Friday, 17 April 2015

Loving the Gas Chamber

Perhaps it's the act of 'doing something' or that all the extra oxygen I'm getting is doing something great. I don't feel like my head is full of fog and I haven't since that first treatment on Tuesday. 'Cog-Fog' is a common symptom for MSers and like other symptoms can be anything from sometimes losing words, talking like Yoda inability to make decisions or even loss of core memory function. I'll be honest and say it scares me even more than the physical symptoms, because your mind is your strongest tool, if it's not functioning properly then the rest isn't going to fare well.


I'm going to get 'personal' now with an Interweb full of strangers ... sharing your 'toilet habits' on a first meeting definitely is a little uncomfortable, but hey it's one of those things that MS can do to us and if none of us talked about it we'd all think it was just us and go quietly mad.


For months now I've had no in between state for the urge to go to the bathroom. it's either been 'all's good' or the screaming claxon in my head yelling 'GO NOW' which just to add a element of danger can mean you've got anything between 20 seconds and 60 seconds before you're probably going to disgrace yourself. Imagine knowing the bomb is going to go off when the timer get's to zero but you don't know how long there is on the timer - going to the bathroom becomes a thrill sport like bungee jumping or running naked through a bear infested wood with honey on your bum (too much ???)


I'm not quite so scared of my 'nether regions' even though the numbness to my body remains the same but there now seems to be more awareness of the need to 'go' reducing the element of danger


I've had 2 'gas chambers' in 3 days, so I can't say whether it's the lack of fog in my brain what is increasing the awareness of the bathroom needs, or something more directly connected to 'down there' is it more obvious because I've had 2 sessions in 3 days? How long will it last? Is it all in my mind and just the act of doing something has made me imagine improvements? Do bears with MS ..... in the woods ?


It's Friday, the sun is shining, it's warm, the dogs and I are snuggled on the sofa together and all things considered life is pretty great

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