Tuesday 11 February 2020

4yrs 8.5 Months - Heartbroken and so very sad

There are times in your life when you have to do something that you know is going to make your world crumble and your heart shatter into a billion pieces.
Yesterday Amber went over the Rainbow Bridge to go and be with her first human mum, my mum.

It was the right time, she was ready and she needed us to be strong for her and we were but oh god I’m a mess, I can’t stop crying, I’m typing this I’m crying, I’m at home with Winston and Bella, I’m crying, even driving into work this morning – crying, I’m just a complete mess.
There’s been other stuff this week, there’s the whole ‘coming out’ about me feeling quite excited about upcoming Ocrevus - trying a bit of ‘strange’, having a little ‘treatment on the side’ of Lemtrada - yes it genuinely feels that just thinking about it is cheating / planning an affair / betraying Lemtrada.

Okay so let’s all agree that right now my head clearly is not in a ‘normal’ place, I’m pretty messed up right now and talking complete and utter bollocks because it’s that or just sit here crying all day in the middle of the office thus confirming everyone’s suspicions that Tracy’s lost it …

So I’m going to stop here, go and have a bit of a melt down and aim for normal next week. Much love to everyone bearing with me xx
Run free baby girl, you will always be in my heart


  1. I am sorry for the loss of your beautiful dog. It is very hard with pets because their lifespan is so much shorter than ours. Please take comfort knowing that she had a great life with your family and knew she was loved!


  2. Where to Bury A Dog?
    Ben Hur Lampman - 1925

    Beneath a cherry tree, where, in its proper season
    The cherry strews petals on the green lawn of his grave,
    Or beneath any flowering shrub.
    Beneath such a tree or shrub he slept, or lifted his head to challenge some intruder.
    These are good places, in life or in death.

    Yet it is a small matter,
    For if the dog be well-remembered,
    If sometimes he leaps through your dreams, actual as in life,
    Eyes kindling, laughing, begging,
    It matters not at all where that dog sleeps.

    On a hill where the wind blows, the trees roaring,
    Or beside a stream he knew in puppy hood,
    Or in the flatness of a pasture lane where cattle grazed,
    Is all one to the dog,
    And all one to you.
    Nothing is gained and nothing is lost if memory lives.
    But… there is a place to bury a dog.

    If you bury him in this spot he will come to you when you call;
    Come to you over the grim, dim frontiers of death,
    And down the well-remembered path to your side again.
    Another dog will not resent his coming, for he belongs there.

    People may scoff at you who see no slightest blade of grass bent by his footfall,
    Who hear no whimper;
    People who never really loved a dog.
    Smile at them, for you shall know something that is hidden from them,
    Something well worth the knowing…
    The one best place to bury a dog is in the heart of his master.


Yikes 2 posts in a month

 Who is this person who's actually updating Tracy's blog I hear you wondering .... 2 posts less than 3 months apart - surely I'v...