My stomach seems to tie itself in knots around my arse and the whole world falls off .....
The machine is fine, the banging is fine too (after you've done enough of these things you realise that you know 'that tune' as they go through the scans) the needle is fine for pushing in the contrast.
What sets my whole system off balance is the wondering what the results are going to be.
My body says everything is fine, I feel great MS wise I've been relapse free for over 20 months and my symptoms have all gone away.
The little voice inside my head however is a persistent nasty little sod and he's whispering 'a relapse is just what happens when it finally nibbles through something important' ....
MS is like that .... Unchecked it's like a never ending food binge through your Myelin with the occasional relapse thrown in to show something important got munched on.
What Lemtrada has done for me is to wipe out those horrid little T&B Cells that were stuffing their faces with my Myelin, the new ones that have grown to replace them have not seen T&B Cells eating Myelin so they shouldn't be copying or remembering that behavious (allegedly)
What if I'm wrong?
What if it's scoffing again?
What if that Contrast lights up like Blackpool at Christmas?
What will it mean for the future?
What would come next?
What if I'm just a complete and utter idiot and am driving myself round the twist?
I need to be there in an hour and 15 minutes ..... It's a pain in the arse parking at Basingstoke Hospital so I'm leaving early and getting there in time to sit and have a cup of coffee and rule the world of candy crush ....
Good grief but I feel sick - but until someone tells me the results I guess thats just the way its going to be.
EDIT : Post MRI
The MRI was blissfully uneventful as usual, the only interesting features were the following :
- When they put the cannular in so they could administer the contrast during the MRI the nurse remarked that when she was insterting the needle she could 'feel the scar tissue on the vein and it made it very difficult to insert the needle' - I guess that's a sign to me that I need to stop using the trusty vein in the right elbow as an extraction point - it's made 20 months of monthly tests but it's time to find another stabbing place.
- The last but one part of the scan sounds like the music played during the scene from Flash Gordon where Flash is approaching Mongo City in Imperial Rocket Ajax and the minion says to Admiral Kara 'Flash Gordon Approaching' and she replies 'What do you mean Flash Gordon Approaching' then she she orders all weapons are fired 'In honour of the Emperor Ming's wedding' - apparently saying the words from the scene and then starting to sing 'FLASH AHHHAHHH' at the top of your voice with an MRI machine backing track is really bad form and quite disconcerting for the staff - LOL
Sandwich from Shift here. I know where you're coming from Tracy I don't think the fear ever really goes away. I think a bit of fear is healthy as it motivates us to crack on. We both tackle it head on like we always do, we are afterall practically professionals by now :-) Sometimes I feel like getting a tattoo with the words "kiss my ass"...ReplyDelete
My fears were not warranted this time around. Fingers crossed yours wont be too x
Hi Sandwich agree the fear keeps us on our toes and motivated :-)ReplyDelete
We are certainly more knowledgable that the average bear about MS, Lemtrada and Arse kicking.
I've been thinking about a new tattoo for ages but the design is something that I have yet to come to a decision on, I know I want it to be dot-work but something to remember my family, something as a symbol of my strength and 2 fingers up to MS .... makes my brain hurt thinking about it
Hi Tracy, I appreciate your snarkiness and humor. The way you see everything in a light but straight-forward way is really refreshing. It takes an exceptional person to come out on the other side from something like this. You can do it! Try not to doubt yourself. Stay strong and keep on with your coffees and Candy Crush.ReplyDelete
Kacey @ Glendale MRI
It takes a special mind of weird to maintain this level of daftness - in future there might be something useful to be gained from studying what happens wen you splice a Canadian with a Geordie because clearly some of the nits and bolts aren't tight enough 😎😎