Tuesday, 11 February 2020

4yrs 8.5 Months - Heartbroken and so very sad


There are times in your life when you have to do something that you know is going to make your world crumble and your heart shatter into a billion pieces.
Yesterday Amber went over the Rainbow Bridge to go and be with her first human mum, my mum.

It was the right time, she was ready and she needed us to be strong for her and we were but oh god I’m a mess, I can’t stop crying, I’m typing this I’m crying, I’m at home with Winston and Bella, I’m crying, even driving into work this morning – crying, I’m just a complete mess.
There’s been other stuff this week, there’s the whole ‘coming out’ about me feeling quite excited about upcoming Ocrevus - trying a bit of ‘strange’, having a little ‘treatment on the side’ of Lemtrada - yes it genuinely feels that just thinking about it is cheating / planning an affair / betraying Lemtrada.

Okay so let’s all agree that right now my head clearly is not in a ‘normal’ place, I’m pretty messed up right now and talking complete and utter bollocks because it’s that or just sit here crying all day in the middle of the office thus confirming everyone’s suspicions that Tracy’s lost it …

So I’m going to stop here, go and have a bit of a melt down and aim for normal next week. Much love to everyone bearing with me xx
Run free baby girl, you will always be in my heart
 

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