Today is a momentous day .... today I'm a no smoker, I've been planning this for a few weeks with a colleague of mine, we have been to the NHS stop smoking service, it's all planned and to be honest yesterday I only had 2 all day (mostly because I was incredibly hung over and couldn't face them)
The weekend has been lovely, we've seen the Outlaws ... oops In Laws :-) we saw Gareth's Grandmother, had an epic Italian meal out at Julio's in Halifax and the dogs had the time of their lives playing off lead (even Winston was off lead) running with the other dogs.
We stopped in to see my Nana in the dementia care home in Bolton on the way back. Nana has been there since 2007 and now she's so far gone now that she's bedbound, can't feed herself, go to the bathroom, speak, doesn't know anyone, or have the ability to do anything. She's so tiny now, lost so much weight that it seems incredible that this tiny thing could be my Nana who was such a big character in our lives. Dementia is such a cruel illness, it robs you of the person but leaves the body behind to continually torture you. I know is sounds like an awful thing to say, but if Nana went in her sleep, no matter how much it hurt me, I would also be happy for her as this isn't 'living' this is simply being kept alive for as long as possible :-(
On Nana's chest of draws in her room there is a photograph taken at my brothers wedding in 2007 of Nana, Me, Ian and Mum - Only me and Nana left now, and Nana's not really 'with' us now, just looking from Nana (who looked so well in the picture) to it and back again resulted in me crying on and off all the way home.
I've spent 16 hours driving since Friday night and had one night we were up so late it was daylight when we went to bed :-) - understandably this has left me feeling tired and with the stopping smoking I'll apologise in advance if I suddenly become a vile horrid bitch - my apologies in advance :-)
MS wise, I'm nauseatingly great as usual, I'm on the evening list for Oxygen Therapy tomorrow which will be 10 and a half days between treatments - Doesn't feel like I'm hitting the metaphorical wall right now so that improvement since Lemtrada is also holding I don't 'need' to have Oxygen treatments anywhere nearly as regularly to feel great - to be honest I don't know how long I could go now without feeling really rubbish, but it's not a risk I'm prepared to take so I'll stick to once a week :-)
Hope everyone is being looked after and getting the support they need
xxx
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